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On aging and alternative fashion…
I’m 32. I don’t consider that old; in fact, it’s relatively young. But it’s still a marked difference from my 20s. Lifestyle, societal image, family and friends, finances – all these things change for most of us in our 30s. It’s been an interesting time in life for me so far. Perhaps my 20s were a time for self-indulgence, and my 30s now have a bit more gravity to them. Not to be dramatic, but it’s a time that you begin to reckon with death in a way you never had to in your 20s. Your body changes, wrinkles begin to make their appearance, maybe your health changes.
I find myself struggling with things I never expected to. In my 20s, I wore what I liked and felt drawn to. My personal style was a huge part of my identity. I went through phases and was influenced by different things, but it was all still “me”. It was something I took pride in. I was in fashion design school, I was photographed for street style blogs (occasionally), I took photos of myself regularly, I worked in a thrift store and dressed up for work daily. I went out, I partied, I DJ’ed gigs with friends - my outfit was a central part of those experiences.
me when I was baby (24)
My life is very different now. I’m sober, and I don’t party anymore. I’m back in school, not fashion school this time, but massage therapy – Something I never expected myself to fall into. I have different responsibilities now. I prioritize my comfort more (Sorry, platform heels). In some capacity, I have to think about my future and take care of myself. My life no longer revolves around my personal style. In a big way, that has been freeing for me, but it's also left me with conflicting feelings.
I find myself second-guessing things I wear now in ways I never would have as a younger person. I used to be much more involved in the EGL (elegant gothic lolita) scene. Recently, I was excited to have an opportunity to dress up in gothic lolita again. Deciding what I would wear felt so nostalgic. But when I finished getting ready and looked in the mirror, I felt slightly embarrassed. Is it OK to go out like this? I was asking myself. Am I giving Baby Jane Hudson? Ultimately, I went out and had a lovely time, and many people complimented my outfit (Mostly younger people).
honestly, goals...
I wish it could be as easy as saying, “Fuck it, I’m wearing what I like!” Which, to be fair, is usually how I feel! I think this mentality is something to cultivate even more as we age.
I’ve found that it’s difficult to find “role models,” so to speak, for those of us aging “alternative” people. When I open Pinterest to search for style inspiration, every face I see is 20-something. No offense to younger people, but personally, I want to see people my age and older. Where are they? I know they exist. I’m not someone who idolizes celebs, but the only older femme I can regularly search for and be inspired by is Helena Bonham Carter. I know there are older alternative “influencers” out there, but honestly, they are few and far between. I guess I just get tired of only seeing younger people, because that’s my past – not my future. I want to feel hopeful and excited for a future where I can still dress-up and not feel like I’m still clutching to my youth or something.
my style icon! <3
The everyday complications that come from dressing “alternatively” as an older person are mostly trivial, but they’re not nothing. Most people assume I am younger and therefore treat me as if I am. I feel like often there is a lack of respect. People may assume you are a materialistic person if you cultivate personal style or that you over-consume fashion. I think it can be hard to hang on to your interests as you age, and society expects you to be putting that energy into a traditional family. It can feel a little tiring to be misunderstood or to have people make assumptions about you and your life because of how you’re dressed. And then there are the internal struggles like I mentioned before – Does this still look good on me? Is this too childish? Isn’t my outward appearance ultimately trivial?
Lately, I’ve been trying to reframe my mentality around such things. Whenever I think, “I’m too old to dress like this or be interested in this”, I try to replace that thought with “I’m a cool older person, and I’m cool for dressing like this or being interested in this”. I expect my attachment to clothing and style will wax and wane as I age. And that’s totally OK. Despite my worries and insecurities, I am ultimately happy to be in this stage of my life. It’s a privilege to age! And putting effort into self-expression is never trivial.
me dressing in lolita last week, yay!
I’m 32. I don’t consider that old; in fact, it’s relatively young. But it’s still a marked difference from my 20s. Lifestyle, societal image, family and friends, finances – all these things change for most of us in our 30s. It’s been an interesting time in life for me so far. Perhaps my 20s were a time for self-indulgence, and my 30s now have a bit more gravity to them. Not to be dramatic, but it’s a time that you begin to reckon with death in a way you never had to in your 20s. Your body changes, wrinkles begin to make their appearance, maybe your health changes.
I find myself struggling with things I never expected to. In my 20s, I wore what I liked and felt drawn to. My personal style was a huge part of my identity. I went through phases and was influenced by different things, but it was all still “me”. It was something I took pride in. I was in fashion design school, I was photographed for street style blogs (occasionally), I took photos of myself regularly, I worked in a thrift store and dressed up for work daily. I went out, I partied, I DJ’ed gigs with friends - my outfit was a central part of those experiences.
me when I was baby (24)
My life is very different now. I’m sober, and I don’t party anymore. I’m back in school, not fashion school this time, but massage therapy – Something I never expected myself to fall into. I have different responsibilities now. I prioritize my comfort more (Sorry, platform heels). In some capacity, I have to think about my future and take care of myself. My life no longer revolves around my personal style. In a big way, that has been freeing for me, but it's also left me with conflicting feelings.
I find myself second-guessing things I wear now in ways I never would have as a younger person. I used to be much more involved in the EGL (elegant gothic lolita) scene. Recently, I was excited to have an opportunity to dress up in gothic lolita again. Deciding what I would wear felt so nostalgic. But when I finished getting ready and looked in the mirror, I felt slightly embarrassed. Is it OK to go out like this? I was asking myself. Am I giving Baby Jane Hudson? Ultimately, I went out and had a lovely time, and many people complimented my outfit (Mostly younger people).
honestly, goals...
I wish it could be as easy as saying, “Fuck it, I’m wearing what I like!” Which, to be fair, is usually how I feel! I think this mentality is something to cultivate even more as we age.
I’ve found that it’s difficult to find “role models,” so to speak, for those of us aging “alternative” people. When I open Pinterest to search for style inspiration, every face I see is 20-something. No offense to younger people, but personally, I want to see people my age and older. Where are they? I know they exist. I’m not someone who idolizes celebs, but the only older femme I can regularly search for and be inspired by is Helena Bonham Carter. I know there are older alternative “influencers” out there, but honestly, they are few and far between. I guess I just get tired of only seeing younger people, because that’s my past – not my future. I want to feel hopeful and excited for a future where I can still dress-up and not feel like I’m still clutching to my youth or something.
my style icon! <3
The everyday complications that come from dressing “alternatively” as an older person are mostly trivial, but they’re not nothing. Most people assume I am younger and therefore treat me as if I am. I feel like often there is a lack of respect. People may assume you are a materialistic person if you cultivate personal style or that you over-consume fashion. I think it can be hard to hang on to your interests as you age, and society expects you to be putting that energy into a traditional family. It can feel a little tiring to be misunderstood or to have people make assumptions about you and your life because of how you’re dressed. And then there are the internal struggles like I mentioned before – Does this still look good on me? Is this too childish? Isn’t my outward appearance ultimately trivial?
Lately, I’ve been trying to reframe my mentality around such things. Whenever I think, “I’m too old to dress like this or be interested in this”, I try to replace that thought with “I’m a cool older person, and I’m cool for dressing like this or being interested in this”. I expect my attachment to clothing and style will wax and wane as I age. And that’s totally OK. Despite my worries and insecurities, I am ultimately happy to be in this stage of my life. It’s a privilege to age! And putting effort into self-expression is never trivial.
me dressing in lolita last week, yay!